Throw a Boston Bachelor Party!

Treat your buddy to a properly swingin’ Bachelor Party without doing too many Very Bad Things.

A best man has many responsibilities: keeping track of the ring, giving the big toast, sexing up…uh, dancing with the bridesmaids. But by far his most sacred duty is orchestrating a night of reprehensible debauchery. Remember, your buddy’s dying here—so make sure you give him a proper send-off.

1. REMEMBER WHO IT’S FOR
“Customize the party to the interests of the groom,” says James Grace, author of The Best Man’s Handbook. If he likes football, rent a luxury box and strippers; if he likes fishing, rent a boat and strippers; if he doesn’t like strippers…why are you friends with this guy? Get a list of invitees from the groom, and unless your mom gave you a $1,000 gift certificate to Buns N’ Roses—that’s funny, she gave us one—tell the guests how much they’ll have to fork over.

2. TAKE OATHS OF SILENCE
Loose lips sink relationships, so ensure that all invitees can withstand interrogation. If you’re obligated to invite moles, Grace suggests designing a multistage party: Entertain the bride’s father over a boozy dinner, then lose him before the daisy-chain lesbians show up. Make sure something funny but PG-13 happens over the course of the evening. Why? Because every significant other will demand one anecdote or she’ll (quite rightly) suspect the worst.

3. HAVE A GAME PLAN
Be sure to hit up all the deadbeats for the money in advance—you don’t want yet another maxed-out credit card. Grace says $50 to $100 per sinner is a good no-frills rule of thumb, but if you’ve got some cash to spare, you can arrange a deluxe party package at Web sites like theknot.com. Pick a home base (not your house) and stock it with bachelor party basics—cards, poker chips, beer, DVDs—in case your cash runs out before you pass out.

4. KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL
As best man it’s your job to get the groom through the night with no regrets. (Well, no serious regrets.) So you may have to stay sober(ish) while other revelers hit the floor like a flock of blood-gorged ticks. Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t leave the groom bound, blindfolded, and naked on the side of a highway with a new tattoo of a sword on his schlong. But get him home safely—he can ruin his marriage all by himself.

excerpt from Maxim Magazine