BACHELOR OATH OF SECRECY
In the Contract/Oath below, you must adhere to all guidelines and procedures in a strict fashion. When the document refers to the Bachelor, he will be the one who is the poor soul about to be incarcerated for the next 60 years with the same woman! The guys consisting of the Bachelor party are described as Bachelor Brethren and are the ones who should make the Bachelor's party a success by following the regulations below! Please take the following document as serious (seriously funny) as possible since it will provide hours of fun and memories.
I _____________________ solemnly swear that on the weekend of ______________, 2009 in celebration of ___________________'s Bachelor party; I will abide by the following rules and regulations:
1) I will not, in any way, take pictures with people of the opposite sex, those who look female and may have had a sex change or any animals while the Bachelor party is in progress. Failure to follow this rule will automatically make me exiled from the party.
2) I will act like I am five and promote immature behavior the whole weekend, including loud, obnoxious outbursts are welcome during the festivities with at least one type of alcohol shot purchased by the Brethren for group or bachelor consumption.
3) I will consume alcoholic beverages and promote drunkenly misconduct in the safest and most appropriate fashion. If I am a sober driver or have a note from a doctor, I am excused from drinking but must still promote animalistic behavior.
4) I will back up my fellow-Bachelor Brethren and always provide wingman-ship, even if it means hanging with an ugly fat bearded lady for a few hours!
5) A Bachelor Brethren who has too much alcohol or has poor taste and is speaking with fat, ugly chicks for more than one minute must be escorted back to the group of Bachelor Brethren for protection and to save himself from embarrassment (which would have possibly occurred the following morning).
6) I must embarrass the Bachelor at least once per hour. Embarrassment can only take the form of attracting attention toward the poor soul getting married, and includes but is not limited to, finding women to help in doing body shots with the Bachelor, making the bachelor sing to women, dressing the bachelor up in silly clothes like prison attire, hand-cuffing the Bachelor to a blow up doll and any other creative behavior!
7) In case of the emergency of a bachelor brethren needing to pray to the porcelain goddess or visit Mr. Tidy Bowl Man, it is essential that I make sure one Bachelor Brethren goes with the other Brethren In Need (BIN).
8) It is my responsibility to commute to a more exciting atmosphere when group energy is dwindling. I must interact with other bachelor brethren to form a plan in moving to a more exciting environment.
9) I will not, at any time, think of work-related matters. If work does consume my mind, I will forfeit party status and be seen as an outcast by the bachelor brethren.
10) Before signing the document below, I will say out loud, "What happens at the Bachelor party STAYS at the Bachelor party!"
(Signature of Bachelor Brother)_______________________________________ Date_________________
(Signature of Best Man) ____________________________________________ Date__________________
Advice for the Bachelor (poor soul) about marriage: